Breastfeeding Expectations: What Almost No One Tells You

When we talk about breastfeeding, we often hear that with the right information, everything will flow more smoothly. And while information truly matters, it’s not always enough.

Breastfeeding rarely “fails” because of poor technique. More often, it becomes difficult, or is even abandoned, because of unrealistic expectations, external pressure, and the constant stream of opinions surrounding a mother, especially a first-time one. And if you are a migrant mother, that pressure can feel even heavier. You are far from your support system, in another language, within a different culture, trying to do your best while everyone seems to have an opinion about your baby, your body, and your decisions. Even when comments are well intentioned, they can plant doubt. And doubt is heavy.

Many of us imagine breastfeeding as something instinctive, almost magical: a baby who latches easily, calm feeds, a mother who feels confident and certain. What almost no one talks about is that the beginning can include extreme exhaustion, very long feeds, broken nights, and a baby who seems unable to be away from the breast. Sometimes there’s barely time to shower, let alone live up to that idealized image of motherhood.

That’s when comparison starts to creep in: with other mothers, with what you see on social media, with what it’s “supposed” to look like. Slowly, breastfeeding can begin to feel harder. Not because it isn’t working, but because your mind fills with doubt, pressure, and fear of doing something wrong.

When a mother is exhausted, stressed, or overwhelmed, quick fixes often appear—promising immediate relief. Not always as a conscious choice, but as a way to escape the fatigue and the pressure. And that’s often where breastfeeding starts to unravel, not because of the baby, but because of everything surrounding it.

That’s why adjusting expectations is so important. Not as a form of resignation, but as a way to stop fighting against a reality that is deeply biological. Every baby is different. Every mother is different. And every breastfeeding journey finds its own rhythm.

Having all the information in the world won’t suddenly make your baby behave differently or turn breastfeeding into something easy. Your baby will still want to nurse often, will still need closeness, will still wake at night, and will still seek you. And it’s important to know that this isn’t a problem, it’s part of your baby’s nature and how they respond to your body. Information doesn’t change the baby; it changes how you see what’s happening. It helps you understand that this is normal, that you’re not failing, and that there is nothing wrong with you or your baby.

When this understanding settles in, the experience shifts. There’s less inner struggle, less guilt, and more acceptance. Not because everything becomes easy, but because it no longer feels like something that “should be different.”

Breastfeeding isn’t sustained by technique alone. It’s sustained when a mother trusts herself and feels supported. From that place, everything feels a little lighter.

If breastfeeding is stirring up more than you expected, or if you need a space to talk without judgment and with clear, respectful information, you can write to me. I support mothers, especially migrant mothers, so they don’t have to walk this path alone and can make decisions from a place of calm and confidence. I’m here for you ❤️